July 21, 2011

Blinking Light

I am at work watching the blinking light on my phone. It is trying to let me know that I have an unheard voicemail. I know who it is from, but I don't want to listen to it.

I don't know what the message says, but I simply do not want to hear it.

We had been meeting with various vendors who could possibly provide our organization with a particular service. I had been in communication with this gentleman over the past couple months over the phone and via email. However, after a recent meeting, it became evident that the service that his company could provide would not be a good fit for our needs.

I emailed him earlier today to confirm this news with him.

So he called back. There is no way that his company can be in the running, and we already have selected our final three. I imagine his message involves attempts at clarification, that I have it wrong, and that they deserve another chance. However, the issue is too large to ignore.

I have that awkward, nauseated feeling in talking to him now. Like "It's not you, it's me... but actually, it's really you." Must I tell him again that it's not going to work? Can't we all just move on with our lives? I feel like the dumper in a break-up (speaking of which, This American Life had an excellent podcast on the issue this week). However, I am in the role in which a pathetic song is sung to me.

I wish I could simply delete the voicemail. Move forward with our process. Not have to have any more contact with him after delivering the bad news. But I can't. I will listen to the message. I have to. I sort of have a heart.

But until I do, the light will blink.

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